Today wasn't great. I woke up when I should have been leaving and hadn't done any of my homework, or showered. But, I had a doctors appointment in the morning, and was able to talk my mom into allowing me a "mental health" day. When my mother was young her mother would allow her to stay home occasionally if she felt overwhelmed and my mother has extended the same courtesy to me over the years. It was very much needed today.
Mostly I ate. I had wanted a small bowl of good oatmeal. I was craving it. So, my dad made some. But the oats/recipe he used took about an hour. For oatmeal. During that time I ate pretty much everything in sight. I was a filthy disgusting glutenous pig. And the oatmeal wasn't even good. I wish I could say I stopped there, but then I made my own oatmeal. And then I had crackers while watching the first few scenes of Titanic. And then I had a burger and shake at a new drive thru/restaurant near my studio after dance. Please shoot me now, or at least break my jaw so I won't be able to shove food I don't need down my throat all day.
On top of my awful intake my hips hurt quite badly at dance today. They'd been feeling a bit better and I was so sick of keeping my leg low that yesterday I went all out. I stretched, I worked my extension, and just threw my lardy leg up in the air. Bad idea. I also forgot to sew new shoes so I was dancing in old ones.
I'm still not done with my room and laundry, and I'm an entire unit behind in AP.
An all around not the best day. I don't even want to think about the mood I'd be in if I'd gone to school. And I haven't checked my grades since last quarter.
Now I'm going to go do my AP work, while a load is in the wash. Then I'm going to sew my new shoes. After that I'm going to do conditioning. I'm going to go to sleep with my dog who was so adorable today, and I am going to set my alarm so I can get up early, go running, have some fruit for breakfast, and have a better day tomorrow.
And we should get casting for our next show tomorrow!
The piggy mess I was today, I don't want to be that monstrous creature anymore. I want to be beautiful, I want to be on top of things. I want to be in control. I want to be perfect.