Thursday, January 5, 2012


I look in the mirror and see a stranger staring back at me. This is not who I remember. Not this girl with dead eyes. Not this face with faded freckles, this smile with lips pulled tight over braces. Not this body. I remember being vibrant once, having a light in my eyes that shined. I miss that.
  I see the world through a veil. It tints a sunny day gray, and leaves people nearby far away. I feel like I'm not there. Like I'm invisible. It pulls my eyes to things I can't see, to a point in space I can't touch.
This is how I felt today in ballet. I couldn't focus on what was being taught. I kept messing up the combinations but at least the teacher gave me corrections. That means he's paying attention so I can't be as invisible as I feel, and some part of him must believe in me, even if I can barely believe in myself.
This somber mood, in addition to my mother and her boyfriend picking me up is probably what led me to break my fast. 1 child sized yogurt ... with brownie :/ prob about 175. Still pretty good though :)
The morning started with Theater. We were in groups writing our own scripts and ours is a comedy and completely preposterous, so it was a good way to start the day. Sadly I then had a test in Spanish followed by one in AP, and I didn't understand my Pre-calc hw.
I had my measurements done and while they were far from ideal, they weren't nearly as bad as I thought they would be.
Over all it was a good day, not perfect, but good. There's always tomorrow, I'll try again with fasting. It couldn't hurt to lose some weight before my auditions this weekend.
Goal updates:
Grades ~ 2% to go in chem; 3% to go in Spanish(extra credit opportunity!!!); 4% to go in AP
Weight ~ down 1lb! I <3 fasting and dance studios with the heat to high
To a better tomorrow and improvement each day

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